Light Bearing at the Gathering Table

Have you found that once jovial and welcoming interactions with family or friends in recent years have now shifted to feeling uncomfortable or divisive at holiday gatherings? Perhaps controversial topics are more readily brought up, or formerly pleasant conversations are swapped for unexpected debates. When feelings are fragile and opinions are sharp, how do you find peace amongst those who see the world differently than you do? Do you offer a pleasant nod, a smile, or anything to save face as the person in front of you asserts beliefs completely counter to your own? Afterwards, are you left with a pit in your stomach as you agonize over not speaking up when you had an opportunity to do so? Alternatively, if you did take the chance to argue for your stance, do you find yourself met with the fear that your relationship with that person is perpetually altered? Does regret beset you for your particular phrasing, your approach, or the fact that you no longer navigate elusively as before? What if there is a way to find true peace even amid disagreement with others? What if instead of fear and anxiety ruling over you, you embraced your God-given authority to recall that you are a Light-bearer at the gathering table?

Approach

Finding a fitting approach is key within any relationship, not just the ones where you have points of contention. Approaching topics with love is vital to a healthy conversation, which also means assuming the best of the other person, even if there is even a sliver of doubt in your mind that they do not have good intentions. This positive attitude shifts the perspective and tone of the discussion from heaviness to hope. Much of assuming the best intentions from others also includes truly hearing what they are seeking to convey. This is not just listening to the words coming from their mouths, but considering their unique experiences, influences, and sources. When you do not shy away from asking for clarifications, you invite them to provide their own thought process. This may indeed open the door for them to reveal their own wrestling with the topic, softening their stout positions. Ultimately, a good approach seeks to encourage healthy communication, and in doing so, you are operating from a heart posture of kindness and love. Even if you disagree, coming from an approach of desiring to listen and understand will enable the other person to feel respected and safe. You can also then ask the same of them when you share your thoughts and convictions.

Stop People-Pleasing

People-pleasing and overthinking can destroy harmony and rest within your mind. In sincere efforts to keep the peace with others, we often forfeit our own peace, and we find ourselves left replaying conversations in our minds on a loop. When such moments arise where we can choose people-pleasing or overthinking, we must bring it all before the Lord. Paul encourages us in 2 Corinthians 10:5b,

“We are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.”

Even in front of another person, when you cannot run to your Prayer Closet to listen, take every thought of what you might say into obedience to Christ. This is where we pivot from people-pleasing to God-pleasing, and this is where we find freedom from overthinking. If we can stand before God knowing we spoke in truth and love, we can rest with a clear conscience. We can also utilize the gift of access to wisdom through the Holy Spirit when we ask for His help.

Prayer for Wisdom

Wisdom, discernment, and guidance are all things every believer has access to when we ask the Holy Spirit to assist us. We can call upon the Lord for His help, asking Him to give us the words we need in the present moment. Consider in Luke 12:11-12 how Jesus soothes His followers that even if they are brought before the authorities or rulers, they need not be afraid,

“When they bring you before the synagogues and the rulers and the authorities, do not worry about how or what you are to speak in your defense, or what you are to say; for the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.”

Believers today can also call upon the Holy Spirit to teach us how to navigate conversations, and you may find that the less you rely on your own understanding or fleshly reactions, the more the Holy Spirit can use you to share wisdom with others. A good prayer to pray in such instances is, “Lord, please remove my filter completely so that Your voice of truth may be heard clearly.” Trust that the Lord will speak through you and help you as you rely more and more on Him.

Be Teachable and Encourage Others to Be Teachable Too

As passionate or as educated as we can be about a subject or topic, there is always room for growth. A teachable spirit is an asset, and it is something you can encourage others to foster. This means making a point to cultivate a spirit of curiosity, asking questions of others, and extending the suggestion for others to do likewise. Curiosity lends itself to seeking, and when we seek truth, especially together, we acquire experience and knowledge as well as a continued relationship. A Teachable Spirit commonly convenes with a Spirit of Humility, and when we sit before the Lord asking for His insights, His teaching, and His leading, we may find a new treasure awaits.

Light Bearings  

Invite the Lord to instruct you when you find yourself in conversations that feel as if they are a fiery furnace, and know you are not alone. Praying for the other person in the process is imperative, for you value and respect them, and you want to share in the goodness of God in the land of the living. Just as you have been given access and abundance in the truth of the Lord, you can pray and share those gifts with others. Remember that as a child of God who has called upon Jesus as Savior, when you enter a room, you don’t merely bring beliefs or ideals, you bring the Light of the Lord, Matthew 5:14-16 shares,

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, it gives light to all who are in the house. "Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven.”

Before engaging in social events, make it a point to really ponder and pray this verse. Let these words permeate your mind, for when you do, your perspective shifts from preparing for the defensive to taking on the authority of Christ to shine His Light wherever you go. Shining the Light at the gathering table enables you to see the other person clearly, as a creation of God and as someone you love. It also offers warmth for others, as it beckons them to come to the table. As you gather with loved ones, know you, child of God, bring and bear within you the Light and love of Jesus Christ.